the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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