Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
