I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
