Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
