You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
