im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
