she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
