i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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