About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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