No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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