Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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