it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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