my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
