Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
