I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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