and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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