I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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