i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
