you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
