I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize