I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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