At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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