I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
