Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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