haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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