Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
