Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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