just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize