It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
