Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
