If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
