Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Drunk is a universal language darling
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
