I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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