and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
barbara walters just said penis...
You smell like stripper and shame
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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