That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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