if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
