Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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