Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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