I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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