went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
