yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
