I just gift wrapped bread.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
lol hangovers are for mortals.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
