I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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