i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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