Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize