He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
