So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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