this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
