dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
