I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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