I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
