i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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