Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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