you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
