I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
