Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm really into asian looking animals
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
