Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
