How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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