Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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