And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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