i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
