alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My life is pants optional.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
