winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
