New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
