She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
