I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize