i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
