just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
