Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
