Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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