Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
