Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
