hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He is an equal opportunity slut.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
