you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
