You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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