used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
