I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
