what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
