I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize