He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize