Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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