I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Damn victory sex feels great
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
