They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
