He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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