wanna go halves on a baby?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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