I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
