I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
