I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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