Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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