Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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