I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
