I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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