The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
