They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
