loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize