It's Friday. Sex?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
