Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize