he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
