so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
