I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
