She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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